Ask Shaden & Titi

How was it back then?

Posted in Men, Shad & Titi by Shaden and Titi on July 5, 2010

The cab dropped me off at the first circle, it was hot and really dry day, but I felt like walking to the cafe in Rainbow street where Shaden usually spends her afternoon at.

It was rather a weird afternoon because it has been a while, and we sort of went into this phase of long meditation, since it seems to be the only thing one could afford to do in this weather.

I don’t know exactly what instigated the conversation which would have been rather mundane, following the last couple of disappointments we have been through.

Titi : you know when I was younger at age, I used to think that I wouldn’t be concerned with the man himself as much as I may be concerned with whatever he makes me feel. I believed at some point that a certain path is drawn and is driven by the power of those feelings…

Shaden: yeah, I think back at that time I used to think that, i can leave him and think only about whatever he has left me with.

Titi: at that time, non of that was torture, it was this novel sensation of feeling free and energetic. The same kind of feeling that Ibn Hazem in his book Tawq el 7amama described as an impetus that makes believe you are more intelligent, and capable of standing in the face of challenges and even lifting mountains.

“It’s the same feeling that draws that bright aura around you, that attracts people to you, to your manner of talking, to your smile and your spontaneity, it brings the real essence of the female out of you, leaving traces of beauty on your face, hair and your complexion.”

Shaden was looking down with her eyes on the glass of the lemon- mint smoothie and was twirling the straw slowly, and I go… “it’s what makes you twirl this straw in your cup right now.”

She looked up and smiled on the thought of a memory, and then went on “Yeah, that was the case, but I feel like I need someone to be there for me, I am not asking that much of life anymore, I was younger and immature, and in a certain phase you need to learn.”

“It’s the phase when I was in self search of myself, getting that extrovert out of the introvert I was. I would stay with myself for hours read and daydream, I wanted to discover who am I and what I aspire for.”

“but now, I all i need is him, to see him, talk to him, to have him in my life, that’s what I know that I want.”

Titi: we are not usually used to celebrating melancholy, are we?…

Shaden: you’re mistaken, I have always enjoyed it, it’s part of the experience you live.

Titi: yeah, you need something to keep your thinking busy, otherwise it will be boring, you can be happy, but being is rather boring.

Shaden laughs and says “yeah I know”, and I go “you know Oscar Wilde said once “when the Gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers”….

To be continued…

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